it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
