I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize