He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
