Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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