If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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