Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
