i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
