i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
