I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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