I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to calm my uterus...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize