Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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