Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize