theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize