how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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