Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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