who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
