why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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