what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
