I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
