That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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