You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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