Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
