I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
