I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
