just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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