You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize