U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
