so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I just put wine in my tea
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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