Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
