Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
