I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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