Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
