Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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