Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize