some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
