So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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