I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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