I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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