You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
