just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
