i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
