now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
