even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
