Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
