3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can you bring me the toilet please
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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