I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize