hotel room ftw
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize