she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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