Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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