my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
