put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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