I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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