Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
