Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
