I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
