i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
