I wish I could punch you in the face.
So drunk its hurt
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
