i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
