You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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