he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
