If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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