Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize