So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize