I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
