She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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