Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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