I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Found your dick twin last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
