And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
