i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
