Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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