there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
