Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
