Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I won the penis lottery.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
