my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
