so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
